we're blogging at a bar
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
