Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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