I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
