i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
