So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
