Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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