Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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