you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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