your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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