Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Sober January is a disaster.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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