Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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