Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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