the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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