Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
