The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize