Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
