i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
