You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
