Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
