Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
