your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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