he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
