please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
