I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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