All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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