I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
