thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
