pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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