I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
