A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
