If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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