You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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