I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I am available for nakedness
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
