Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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