He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
