I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
false alarm. still invincible.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
