.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
