Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
