somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Is it because I queefed?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
