it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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