Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
