I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
