I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
