Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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