i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
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