Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
