and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
