if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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