There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
