Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
