He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
