Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
