so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
