my vag is so smooth its legendary
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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