I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
