the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
