You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
