if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
