Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
