Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
