I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
