Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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