my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
