Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
