soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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