Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
