shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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