just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have demons in me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
