She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
