I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
