i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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